ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
