im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
