he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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