i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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