I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
