Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His nipple licking is glorious
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