I'm going to jail i love you
Quick, to the slutcave!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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