Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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