One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
