They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i drank out of a bidet.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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