I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
