i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
