he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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