And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
