I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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