If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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