I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
