Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
