There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
