We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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