And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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