i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
