Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Randomize
