I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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