woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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