What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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