you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Randomize
