woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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