Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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