Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
