So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
