Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
