well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
