writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
