we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
