I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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