puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
