he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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