I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Your penis caused this!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
