i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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