I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
