and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
