I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
