hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You ruined the universe
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
