The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
