forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I had to cum in my sink.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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