i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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