I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just pee around me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
