just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
