dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
